standing on the fringes of life...

i've been starting to go to alot of local shows again.
FUNFUN

got my lip pierced! & a new hair cut.

FALL IS HERE!

 havn't posted in a while. everythings good. 
summers gone by way to fast, but everything is good.

you can make a change. 
some people wont believe that change.
but you're the one that has to live with it.
deal with people thinking you're the same way you were then.
you're not the same person. i hate that person you used to be.
i would kill that person if she were still alive. 

why were you like that? why did you act that way?
new life, new beginning. new friends, new friendships.
if only i hadn't lost any due to her. but it had to be done.
for me to realize.

so you changed. dropped that old luggage.
throw it away. let it break. you're free.
i'm finally free...

 

hurt. pain. anger.
!#@$%&

bitch and boss me around like every other day. nothing is new. i'm fed up with your shit. you say it's because you love me. love? what is love then. you wonder why i cannot stand you. fuck you are the exact words i want to say to your face. contradicting yourself is what you love to do isn't it?

i can't even finish this because i have no words for how much pain, disgust, anger and betrayal i am feeling. this has happened many times before, and i get over it the next day. 

i'm not letting it go this time.

so saturday, my mom, grandmother, and I were driving up to maine and we were stopped at a light. All of sudden we got hit from behind. it was insane.. probably the loudest noise i've ever heard. i don't remember it all except that i saw my mom jolt forward. whenever i talk about it i can like heard the noise, and feel myself getting thrown forward. the back of our, not even a year old, honda pilot is wrecked. i have to admit, it was really scary. our necks were hurting us.. but other than that we are fine thankfully. the driver that hit us was this guy driving a 1968 Bronco. no damage was done to his car. he said he was stopped at the light behind us, and had to take of his jacket and must have pressed on the gas.. but if you felt the impact and saw the damage, he was not stopped before he hit us. no way! yeah so it's all messed up. you can't even open the tailgate cause it's all out of shape. so now whenever i get in a car and it like stops abruptly, i get all nervous. This weekend we didn't have our usual drive up to maine.

--WEAR YOUR SEAT BELTS!

oh boy, they're back. these feelings for you come and go.
i was with you tonight in your car. up front, there i was with you.

you asked me if i did my makeup any different. i answered carefully.
staring at each other as the butterflies arise in my stomach.

i'm not quite sure about this. these feelings for you come and go.
i'm not quite sure how i feel...  


[edit]

funny how things can change so fast

Wensday, to be exact, was on the funnest days i've had in a long time. i was probably the happiest i've been in a while. Gina, Brandon, Matt & I all went to the beach, and had such a good time with just the four of us. We might not have hung out with each other in a while, but it didn't feel that way. Afterwards, they all came back to my house for quite a while. We were blasting the music in Matt's car, and acting like crazy kids. we had fun.

we were such good friends
why did it have to end?
you make me smile and look at life differently.
i never thought a person could do that to me.

there are days you never slip my mind.
others, you're on it all the time.
i act like everything is just fine.
you have your friends, and i have mine. 

tonight i sit in my room while i write this stupid line.
while tears are falling down my cheek, as i see your 'online'.

i havn't talked to you in over a year. 
i can't believe it's been that long.
just a couple a months ago we were together.
laughing our heads off as we usually do.
you made me feel so alive.

i hate how selfish i am.
i hate how selfish we both are.
i hate how much we are alike.
i hate not talking to you everyday.
i feel like it was all my fault.
i hate how you walk past me everday without a glance.

but most of all, i hate how i can't say this to your face.